If it had been my choice, I would have chosen to hold you every minute of everyday. I would have chosen to let your sisters shower you with kisses and hugs. I would have chosen to take you to church and show you off the first Sunday after you were born, just as I did your Big sisters. I would have chosen to prepare and decorate your nursery and pack your diaper bag, and sit and nurse you for hours. I would have chosen for you to sit with your Daddy, sisters, and I as we read from our favorite bedtime stories or read from God's word. I would have chosen to stay up all night with you while you were sick or kissed every "boo boo" after you fell. I would have chosen to watch you in your first Christmas program, and sing to the top of your lungs right into the microphone. It would be ok that you were off key, because I would have chosen to hear your voice at any moment over this. I would have chosen to watch you standing at the alter, waiting patiently for your bride to enter the church. I would have chosen to cry many tears of joy that day and I promise I would have loved her almost as much as I love you. I would have chosen to watch you walk out of that church knowing that you were not just son anymore, but that you were a husband, a man.
BUT I would NOT have chosen for you to be in pain....I would not have chosen the path your life took. You came so quickly and The Lord, knowing what was good, took you just as quickly. I will never understand, this side of Heaven why The Lord chose to take your life before we got to know you, but my sweet boy what I do know is that He did it for His glory. Sometimes we don't get to choose the path we are given. Sometimes there are circumstances beyond our control and understanding. It is amazing to know that regardless of what tomorrow may hold, I know who holds all of my tomorrows. His will, His plan....it is all for my good. He knew what your mom could handle and He knew what was best for me and for you.
My sweet baby, you would have been two days old today. As I am lying here with my arms empty and my heart shattered, I know that your are looking upon the face of Jesus. There is no better place to be than in the arms of our Mighty, victorious God. My hope rests in the promise that we will meet again one day and I have joy in knowing that you were never tainted by the trials and hardships of this world. Even though my empty arms are aching right now, I choose today to glorify our Risen King because He has filled my heart with so much joy and the promise that one day my aching arms will be filled again.
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
my Baby you'll be
Love,
Mama
