While I am hurting....

I want to be honest about something, we dealing with infertility.  It is hard for most to understand it and relate, but it is overwhelming and above all....painful. There are so many emotions that you go through pain, anger, grief, depression, overwhelming sadness, and helplessness.  There are some things that cannot be control and there are things that can.  This is not one of those things.  I know deep in the depths of my heart that God is the one in control of this.   I just don't understand why do I have to go though this.   Why me?   What seems to make it worse is people who try to be encouraging and I know they mean well but when there is someone who has children....they would NEVER understand what it is like to have none. When some says "Wait it will happen when you don't expect it" or my very favorite "You are obsessed and need to just give it to God" ......Do people not understand that Chris and I have given it to God and that we are struggling day after day to continue to rely on him for strength and courage to get through this.   The whole thing causes me to be angry and I want so badly to give it to God and to not feel the way I do.  But I DO feel this way....I DO want children.....I DO want to feel better and not depressed.....I DO NOT want to live my life without knowing the love of a mother.....And I REFUSE to be angry with God.